Still quite sick. Mystery illness- we thought it was a stomache flu/ flu/ strep throat thing, but after starting Jan 23rd and having not let up since, my doctor is a little confused. I had a few tests done & they all came back negative, so now I probably have to get more tests done as well as keep a diary of my symptoms & all that jazz per day. WHAT SUCKS is that I've been throwing up at least once a day since mid-January and I haven't lost ANY WEIGHT. I mean, if I'm going to suffer terrible illness, I might as well gain (or in this case, lose) something from it, right?
Anywho.
Decided that God doesn't want me with Mark. Everytime I get close to doing something vaguely romantic with him, something random happens. For instance- every year, my school's Christmas concert is on the same day as his family's Christmas party, which is one of the three times every year that I get to see him. Boo. This year, however, Christmas concert was rescheduled due to weather hazards (ice storm). Of course, the day it's rescheduled on just so happens to be the same day that another event was scheduled on that I was planning to use as an opportunity to ask Mark out. Then I invite him to banquet- pay the money on time, get the form in on time, all of which is very shocking if you know who I am as well as the story from last year. I give him directions, everything covered. The night before banquet, his dad's car gets hit by a deer. His dad's ok, car totaled. No show. I TURNED DOWN TWO [very nice] GUY [friend]S to invite him, and of course felt like a total jerk when I showed up with an empty arm. Plus, ever since I've started praying to God that he would send me a nice man (preferably Mark) someone else starts to have a crush on me. Not that I hate these guys, they're all good friends, but the point is they're not Mark and I think God knows that. SO. God's got some sort of beef with Mark and I'm willing to accept that.
In conclusion- NO MORE MARK/ MEN. PERIOD.
As well as all this, there's also the whole college thing looming near. I mean, I didn't start worrying about it until now, which I guess fits right in with my procrastinating nature. Just wait until 2nd semester of Junior year when you're about to become a Senior to even put serious mental & emotional thought into what you want to spend a good portion of your life devoted to. Like, every time I come home from leave there are giant stacks of college letter things screaming at me from various places in the house. ARGH.
Then there's the parent thing, which is basically summed up like this- I'm not too fond of them at the present moment. I mean, I know I'm supposed to forgive Dad over & over & over until Jesus comes and beyond if I have to, but IT'S REALLY HARD. AND HE'S NOT MAKING IT ANY EASIER. Of course, that's no excuse, and I'll have to keep on keeping on. I just kinda hate being home. I just feel like I'm in a pressure cooker, and Dad's burning me as he let's off his steam. It's because my family sucks at communicating anything except anger and humor, and sometimes not even that. Rawr. Anger.
And ever since Meg moved away, I have no one to talk to at school. I mean, I talk to people & everything, but I don't have anyone reasonable & understanding enough to release my unreasonable girly vents on. I mean, Yani & Kristy are good people, but... Neither of them are even close to my wavelength, whereas Meg & I have gotten to the piont where we can nearly always read each others minds. Even over the phone. And her appliances have picked up on it too- they mirror my thoughts. Seriously. No joke. I've had to use Dean Shiela as resident therapist, which I must admit she is AMAZING at. Makes my day.
I believe that there is quite a bit more going on that I can't recall, but I'll spare the details. I would just like to end on this thought-
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH GOD SAVE ME!
amen.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Monday, January 28, 2008
ch-ch-ch-ch-CHANGES
So, I was just reading over that last post and quite a bit has changed, and I didn't want to leave my imaginary friends kept hanging.
Ummmm...
So.
Broke my nose again. Once in December after caroling on Meg's head as we rolled down the hill behind/ in front of the cafeteria; again this month, with somebody's elbow as I was backspotting in gymnastics.
Remained single for the entire first schoolyear... That's my goal, at least.
Made new friends and all that jazz.
Ummm....
Meg left? To Indiana Academy. And cut her hair.
I might be a bridesmaid in Dean Kristy's wedding.
I fully realized how much of a weenie I am.
...yeah.
Sick at the moment, so I really can't think too hard on it.
Whatever, it's not like I won't remember years from now.
Ummmm...
So.
Broke my nose again. Once in December after caroling on Meg's head as we rolled down the hill behind/ in front of the cafeteria; again this month, with somebody's elbow as I was backspotting in gymnastics.
Remained single for the entire first schoolyear... That's my goal, at least.
Made new friends and all that jazz.
Ummm....
Meg left? To Indiana Academy. And cut her hair.
I might be a bridesmaid in Dean Kristy's wedding.
I fully realized how much of a weenie I am.
...yeah.
Sick at the moment, so I really can't think too hard on it.
Whatever, it's not like I won't remember years from now.
Friday, August 24, 2007
Everything is BLOCKED at school
Upperclasswoman= me.
Goodbye ghetto bus, hello coach~<3
The year certainly has started off with a bang. Over the period of summer break, the school bum (aka me) went from no clubs, a few friends, and grades just high enough to pass; except in English. That I had to take over the summer (the irony doesn't escape anyone's attention). Suddenly- I go back to school. I make new friends almost immediately. I join Newspaper, Gymnastics, Band, Choir, and become a semi-helper person for Flight (student led worship program thing- awesome). My grades are amlost straight A's. I'm also a dorm-worker, which has all the pros of a cafeteria worker (free food, social networking) without all the cons (no sitting down/ resting, cranky boss). Since Dean Lesa isn't here anymore, I got moved to Mrs Stevenson's campus family (she's on of the two English teachers). That's a good thing, kinda. Dean Kristy (awesome) was supposed to be our campus mom, but Mrs Stevenson said she's fight for us... apparently, she's been saddled with way too many boys, and wanted some girls in her family. Anyways. Then the JUNIORS (09!) won the first competition thing (Trash Night), which is AMAZ-Z-Z-Z-ZING. The next day, someone dies. One of the seniors from last year just didn't wake up- her pace maker stopped working. She had just called the dorm the day before- I even talked to her. She had a job, an apartment, was about to go to college, dumped her lame boyfriend, had just re-committed her life to God... Yeah. The funeral was today. The school took a bunch of people to it- we didn't have school. I didn't go. I didn't know what I would say to be of any comfort. Anyone who didn't go to the funeral went up to Shelby to help any victims of flood damage. We were in their little newspaper! My group cleaned out an old couple's basement, and helped clean off their furniture. They owned a furniture store, and their house was in the alley behind it. Three young Mennonite men (about our age) were also there, helping. They were pretty good looking, and our group (which was coincidentally all girls) kept joking about/ lusting after them. There was a break for lunch, and we went to a playground. There was a merry-go-round, and seesaws, and a bouncy thing (four seats connected to a center spoke), swings, a jungle gym, slides... I immediately ran to the merry-go-round. Everyone else just watched me, like I was crazy. A few of my friends joined me, and there was a pause. Then the playground was suddenly overrun with high schoolers. I love leading a revolution~<3 Even one of the deans (Dean Michelle) joined in. She was so excited, because she hadn't been on a playground for years. I led her around, and tought her the ways of the golden days. Then we ate- they gave us lunches in paper bags and sandwiches in plastic wrap. It was wonderful. My whole table dumped their trail mix into one big pile, and we picked out what we ate and let other people pick out what they ate. I was one of two that picked out cashews. Then we went back to the playground, where a waterbottle fight ensued. Then a mass cleanup effort, and we reloaded to head back to work. The man at the store offered us ice cold Cokes while we worked. The group of boys nodded at us. We nodded back. We sang while we worked- "We are soldiers in the army, we have to fight although we have to die, we have to- hold up the bloodstained banner, we have to hold it up until we die. Well __(instert name here)__ was a soldier- they had their hands on the Gospel, bow wow wow, so one day they got old they couldn't fight anymore they said- (here the person stands up and says)- Stand up, and fight anyhow! (repeat). A few of us salvaged junk that the lady was throwing away. I got some patterns, an Othello gamer that had somehow survivived the flooding, and an old vintage-looking bottle of real Chianti. It still had wine in it, but it was kinda gross floodwater wine, so I dumped it. Then we sat and talked to the lady until it was time to go. An ice cream store had heard about what we were doing, and gave us free ice cream (under the price of $2). We left the school at 8:30am, and came back around 6pm. I was covered in grossness, smelly, dripping sweat, sore all over, over heated, probably dehydrated, and completely and utterly blissful. When we got back, my dad was waiting, He took Allison & I home, and now I'm here typing (after a long shower, of course).
More about Shay's death-
The head dean of the boys dorm came to the cafeteria during brunch, and announced that she had died. Immediately, everyone who knew her started to cry. I thought that he meant someone else, one of the students that was in the hospital for a hernia. I carried on, sicne I hadn't known the hernia-victim. Then I find out that the hernia victim is fine- one of the seniors from last year, Shay, had died. Like I said, I had just spoken with her the day before. I cried, a lot. So did everyone else. It rained. Everyone was gathered in the chapel for a small prayer meeting & a sort of place to find comfort. Two girls started to sing, "His Eye Is On The Sparrow," and I cried some more. The head girls' dean went into a hysterical fit of cleaning frenzy. Her husband, the adopted father of the dorm, took out his feelings on a playhouse he was making for some little girls. I helped him build it, salvaging plexiglass, sawing things, pounding things with hammers and holding down screws. It was satisfying. Then I took out more frustration in gymnastics- I'm a base, so I did a lot of lifting people. It was still raining when we got out & went to bed. Over all, it was a pretty gloomy day.
carefully moving on to present events...
I'm going to Meg's new house this homeleave! She's in Indiana, right on campus of the academy there. Tomorrow I have shots, church, and Nonna's. Goodnight!
Goodbye ghetto bus, hello coach~<3
The year certainly has started off with a bang. Over the period of summer break, the school bum (aka me) went from no clubs, a few friends, and grades just high enough to pass; except in English. That I had to take over the summer (the irony doesn't escape anyone's attention). Suddenly- I go back to school. I make new friends almost immediately. I join Newspaper, Gymnastics, Band, Choir, and become a semi-helper person for Flight (student led worship program thing- awesome). My grades are amlost straight A's. I'm also a dorm-worker, which has all the pros of a cafeteria worker (free food, social networking) without all the cons (no sitting down/ resting, cranky boss). Since Dean Lesa isn't here anymore, I got moved to Mrs Stevenson's campus family (she's on of the two English teachers). That's a good thing, kinda. Dean Kristy (awesome) was supposed to be our campus mom, but Mrs Stevenson said she's fight for us... apparently, she's been saddled with way too many boys, and wanted some girls in her family. Anyways. Then the JUNIORS (09!) won the first competition thing (Trash Night), which is AMAZ-Z-Z-Z-ZING. The next day, someone dies. One of the seniors from last year just didn't wake up- her pace maker stopped working. She had just called the dorm the day before- I even talked to her. She had a job, an apartment, was about to go to college, dumped her lame boyfriend, had just re-committed her life to God... Yeah. The funeral was today. The school took a bunch of people to it- we didn't have school. I didn't go. I didn't know what I would say to be of any comfort. Anyone who didn't go to the funeral went up to Shelby to help any victims of flood damage. We were in their little newspaper! My group cleaned out an old couple's basement, and helped clean off their furniture. They owned a furniture store, and their house was in the alley behind it. Three young Mennonite men (about our age) were also there, helping. They were pretty good looking, and our group (which was coincidentally all girls) kept joking about/ lusting after them. There was a break for lunch, and we went to a playground. There was a merry-go-round, and seesaws, and a bouncy thing (four seats connected to a center spoke), swings, a jungle gym, slides... I immediately ran to the merry-go-round. Everyone else just watched me, like I was crazy. A few of my friends joined me, and there was a pause. Then the playground was suddenly overrun with high schoolers. I love leading a revolution~<3 Even one of the deans (Dean Michelle) joined in. She was so excited, because she hadn't been on a playground for years. I led her around, and tought her the ways of the golden days. Then we ate- they gave us lunches in paper bags and sandwiches in plastic wrap. It was wonderful. My whole table dumped their trail mix into one big pile, and we picked out what we ate and let other people pick out what they ate. I was one of two that picked out cashews. Then we went back to the playground, where a waterbottle fight ensued. Then a mass cleanup effort, and we reloaded to head back to work. The man at the store offered us ice cold Cokes while we worked. The group of boys nodded at us. We nodded back. We sang while we worked- "We are soldiers in the army, we have to fight although we have to die, we have to- hold up the bloodstained banner, we have to hold it up until we die. Well __(instert name here)__ was a soldier- they had their hands on the Gospel, bow wow wow, so one day they got old they couldn't fight anymore they said- (here the person stands up and says)- Stand up, and fight anyhow! (repeat). A few of us salvaged junk that the lady was throwing away. I got some patterns, an Othello gamer that had somehow survivived the flooding, and an old vintage-looking bottle of real Chianti. It still had wine in it, but it was kinda gross floodwater wine, so I dumped it. Then we sat and talked to the lady until it was time to go. An ice cream store had heard about what we were doing, and gave us free ice cream (under the price of $2). We left the school at 8:30am, and came back around 6pm. I was covered in grossness, smelly, dripping sweat, sore all over, over heated, probably dehydrated, and completely and utterly blissful. When we got back, my dad was waiting, He took Allison & I home, and now I'm here typing (after a long shower, of course).
More about Shay's death-
The head dean of the boys dorm came to the cafeteria during brunch, and announced that she had died. Immediately, everyone who knew her started to cry. I thought that he meant someone else, one of the students that was in the hospital for a hernia. I carried on, sicne I hadn't known the hernia-victim. Then I find out that the hernia victim is fine- one of the seniors from last year, Shay, had died. Like I said, I had just spoken with her the day before. I cried, a lot. So did everyone else. It rained. Everyone was gathered in the chapel for a small prayer meeting & a sort of place to find comfort. Two girls started to sing, "His Eye Is On The Sparrow," and I cried some more. The head girls' dean went into a hysterical fit of cleaning frenzy. Her husband, the adopted father of the dorm, took out his feelings on a playhouse he was making for some little girls. I helped him build it, salvaging plexiglass, sawing things, pounding things with hammers and holding down screws. It was satisfying. Then I took out more frustration in gymnastics- I'm a base, so I did a lot of lifting people. It was still raining when we got out & went to bed. Over all, it was a pretty gloomy day.
carefully moving on to present events...
I'm going to Meg's new house this homeleave! She's in Indiana, right on campus of the academy there. Tomorrow I have shots, church, and Nonna's. Goodnight!
Monday, August 13, 2007
I'm such an idiot.
Really, a huge idiot.
Actually, I dealt with it pretty well. I could've done better and just avoided the whole situation entirely, but it was a little late for that.
So. Here's the story-
A friend lives in Mount Vernon, so she suggests that I stay at her house until the 15 & then she can take me to school. So, I go with her yesterday, and then it all comes crashing down. Suddenly I find out that she smokes (ciggarettes & on some occasions marijuana), drinks, et cetera. She takes one of her friends to pick up a bag (1/8 pound?) of mj, then they go & buy some more for another friend. Then they pick up some home-made two liter bong thing & we go to her house & she makes jello shots & they get high & have some beer and...
I didn't get high, but I tried a jello shot.
It tasted disgusting (apparently, she used whiskey), so that was it for me, but still. I feel guilty for having gotten into that whole thing at all.
MOVING ON TO GREENER PASTURES
IE GOOD STUFF FROM PENNSIC
So, I'm pretty sure I'm going out with Mark now.
Did I say I was going to swear off boys? I obviously meant guys other than Mark
So, that's pretty cool. And I made new friends! Like Keith, Morgan, & Melanie. The group of people I hung out with the whoe time was basically Mark, Miles, Melanie, Morgan, Keith, and sometimes Nate... too many 'M's! Anyways, we had a blast playing with glowsticks, watching for shooting stars, playing cards, and sleeping~♥.
Tonight, I'm thinking either a movie or a party.
Actually, I dealt with it pretty well. I could've done better and just avoided the whole situation entirely, but it was a little late for that.
So. Here's the story-
A friend lives in Mount Vernon, so she suggests that I stay at her house until the 15 & then she can take me to school. So, I go with her yesterday, and then it all comes crashing down. Suddenly I find out that she smokes (ciggarettes & on some occasions marijuana), drinks, et cetera. She takes one of her friends to pick up a bag (1/8 pound?) of mj, then they go & buy some more for another friend. Then they pick up some home-made two liter bong thing & we go to her house & she makes jello shots & they get high & have some beer and...
I didn't get high, but I tried a jello shot.
It tasted disgusting (apparently, she used whiskey), so that was it for me, but still. I feel guilty for having gotten into that whole thing at all.
MOVING ON TO GREENER PASTURES
IE GOOD STUFF FROM PENNSIC
So, I'm pretty sure I'm going out with Mark now.
Did I say I was going to swear off boys? I obviously meant guys other than Mark
So, that's pretty cool. And I made new friends! Like Keith, Morgan, & Melanie. The group of people I hung out with the whoe time was basically Mark, Miles, Melanie, Morgan, Keith, and sometimes Nate... too many 'M's! Anyways, we had a blast playing with glowsticks, watching for shooting stars, playing cards, and sleeping~♥.
Tonight, I'm thinking either a movie or a party.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
They're heeereeee...
So, just got back from Pennsic today.
I would gush, but it's late and I need sleep.
Suffice to say, it was totally awesome.
I would gush, but it's late and I need sleep.
Suffice to say, it was totally awesome.
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
Change of Plans
We were supposed to leave for Pennsic tomorrow night, but Dad decided to get off work early and leave today. He should be home in an hour, and we'll start packing & leave.
Wish me luck on not killing anyone on the drive there~<3
Wish me luck on not killing anyone on the drive there~<3
Monday, August 6, 2007
Nothing new under the sun
So. Um...
Nothing much new today.
I've reached new levels of dislike for my father.
I cleaned my room a bit more.
I tried to call people, but that didn't work out.
I worked out (my abs still hurt).
I dreeeew.
Yea, me = lame.
Nothing much new today.
I've reached new levels of dislike for my father.
I cleaned my room a bit more.
I tried to call people, but that didn't work out.
I worked out (my abs still hurt).
I dreeeew.
Yea, me = lame.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)