Wednesday, June 20, 2012

People can be silly sometimes, the end.

(I feel as if there's nowhere for me to vent besides my sketchbooks, but I've vowed to only vent in my venting journal and that's in Ohio I think so back to the internet, whatever!)

Dear Madam or Sir,
when I imagine that we are friends of a sort, I may or may not tell you that I am an asexual. Wow! It doesn't have to be a big deal! Maybe it does, but I distinctly remember nearly every time that one of my friends confessed their sexuality to me and maybe it's just me but it didn't change my opinion of them at all, I believe my reaction was, "That's cool, do you still want to go to the park?" or something along those lines, and is it too much to ask to expect the same? Maybe some sympathy when I go to vent to you about how other people react, when they say, "You're just afraid of sex!" or "You haven't met the right person." or "Are you sure you're not a lesbian?" or "Don't knock it til you've tried it!" and wow, is it ever so great to hear those things coming from someone I considered a friend! Wow! I know it's hard to understand, but please try to imagine a person who doesn't want to have sex, I don't think it sounds fun at all, I get uncomfortable when I see/ hear people making out (and of course the best way to tease me about this is to jokingly make out with your significant other in front of me), forget about sex scenes in movies, I have to look away and plug my ears because wow, is that really necessary?
I'm about to go into specific instances, if you are the friend in question who's actually in this story, I'm sorry for not telling this to your face but it takes me a while to get angry about things and by the time I realize that I'm upset a week or two has passed and then I feel like a jerk for bringing it up, okay, moving on-
So let's just say that you cheer me on to leave my number on the table for a waiter, and when I freak out you tease me (all in good fun!) but I am legitimately freaking out because I have no idea how to work relationships, and I know that you genuinely tried to help me and I appreciate that but could you please not pretend as if you had absolutely no hand in the creation of this situation? Because I was perfectly content to just admire the waiter from afar and be happy that I got someone interested in Pennsic. AND THEN, later on you half-jokingly consider setting me up with your friend? What the hell was I just freaking out about, if it wasn't a flirtation maneuver that I've been told is "no big deal"? I shrugged and said I wouldn't be averse to it, but let's be serious! You repeatedly saying that you think I'm just "afraid of sex" is not going to make a difference in what I think! I understand that if I become sexually attracted to someone, I'm going to have to change this label! That doesn't necessarily mean that I'm wrong, it means that life is hard and sexual identity is just as confusing as anything else and hey, people evolve and change! So don't give me a side-eye when I don't freak out that the friend in question is a female, that doesn't make me a lesbian, I never said I was a heterosexual because HEY I'm an ASEXUAL and if you'd cared to ask I literally do not care one fig for gender. It doesn't matter to me if someone is a boy or a girl or trans or one of those wibbly wobbly inbetween types, I DO NOT CARE, they only thing I care about is NOT HAVING SEX because EW and also I'd appreciate some DECENCY and all I really want at this point is for you to just NOD AND SAY, "UH-HUH" WHENEVER I VENT TO YOU ABOUT PEOPLE SAYING DUMB THINGS, because obviously you are incapable of actually accepting my decisions!


I'm just...

I've been creeping on the edges of the asexual forums, and I guess it's time that I man up and actually make an account because I'm not getting a whole lot of understanding from my friends.

1 comment:

alia said...

sorry to hear that. people should be accepting, and considerate, of whatever your sexual identity is. and really, how does it even matter? like is it so important or strange that people have to feel like they need to interfere with/change who you are? i hope you don't hate me for saying this, but i think it's cool that you're asexual. "i've always wanted an asexual friend." i have a lot of respect for people who don't conform to society's idea of... anything. love, sexual identity, gender identity, success, blah blah. anyway, my point is you're awesome and you don't let anyone bother you too much. or like you mentioned, find some people who are more accepting, who have more in common with you sexually and will understand.