Sunday, May 19, 2013

dance dance dance

This is a pretty apt description of the high-low dynamic of my emotions most of the time. "Man, I am really sad. Stop being sad, self! Maybe just a little bit.... Okay enough! Get up and DO SOMETHING!"

In other news-
Apartment finding, not really job-searching but definitely... procrastinating... on so many things, I am just in one of those procrastinating funks and I really need to pull myself out of it! ... Soon...
Also I took a photo of myself as reference for this, and my friend was going through my photos and found it, and then teased me about it. Cautionary tale to my future self, I guess- if you are going to take photos of yourself in your underwear, delete them when you're done.

 Not much else going on with me... Graduation for the school I work at is next weekend, so that will be AWESOME!! The staff members are just as excited as the students, it's great. In almost every conversation with other staff, at some point we say, "One week! One more week! We can make it!"
Good job, guys.

Also also,
"Having trouble telling how I feel, but I can dance dance dance!"

Monday, February 11, 2013

ho hum.


It has been a while, blogger.
To be honest, I've been spending more time on tumblr.

Maybe I will start teaching myself how to do things, and I will put my adventures here? Who knows! I'll figure it out eventually. Until then, enjoy this song. 

Saturday, January 12, 2013


This past week? I forget what day. I had a dream that I saw Miss Sayhi, whose actualy name is Tsehainesh Djaleta. She was my supervisor while I worked in the cafeteria during high school, and I love her with a good portion of my heart. She doesn't work there anymore, which is sad because I never really got to tell her how much I love her.
So I'm having this dream, and I think there's some stuff going on to do with the SCA because we're wearing medieval clothes? And then she's there, and I'm so glad to see her! My body can't contain my joy, so I rush forward to hug her and she stops me. She looks happy to see me, but also upset- like she's got some internal dialogue going on that I can't hear. She says something along the lines of, "I wanted to see you, but not like this!" And she looks really sad for a moment and I remember that she was holding out her fist as a barrier and then she smiled and opened her arms and said, "Okay, come here!" and I hugged her and I almost started crying because I was so glad to see her and I didn't know what was going on!
That's all I remember from that dream, but that same night I dreamt that my mother was messing around and started joking around that she was going to kill me and she was getting pretty close when I yelled at her, "Get out of here!" and I actually yelled it and I woke up myself and the two other people in the room. I was partially scared, but mostly I was angry and fed up.

A little longer ago, last month? I had a dream that our van rolled off the side of a hill, all covered in snow. There was this moment where we were suspended, before we really started falling, and I shouted, "SEATBELTS!" and I helped someone put theirs on so by the time that we started rolling I still hadn't put mine on- I hooked my arm into their seatbelt and wrapped by leg around theirs, to hold on. We were rolling for a while- it was awful! Then the rolling slowed down and stopped, but we were still falling- we'd been falling so long we started to float up, weightless. I was about to make a joke about how we'd be falling forever when we hit the ground with a jolt- it was a relatively gentle jolt, considering that I was expecting to die. I tell my father to turn left, but he goes right & jerks the steering wheel out of my hands. Somehow I get separated from the car during that? Everyon else is at the top of this hill, but I am at the bottom. I start climbing up, and there's mud everywhere because the snow has started to melt, and for some reason I'm in an extended bra thing & that's it. So I'm muddy and climbing in my underthings, and I finally get to the top and mothers are pulling their children away from me and everything and I see someone who was in the car and I smile and we make a joke about it and then something happens?
Later on (later that night? a different night? I'm not sure) someone was supposed to be putting on this acrobatic swimming show, but they're injured or sick or unable to make it so suddenly I'm their replacement. I can't swim very well, but I tell them I'll try. I'm not really doing many tricks, but there's music playing and I just try to jump as far as I can out of the water at crucial moments, and I'm getting ridiculously far, and people are impressed. So I just keep doing that, and I do some little flips, and I dive to the bottom and push off of it to go even farther out of the water, and it's just really cool! At the end people are clapping for me, and I'm feeling pretty great about myself, and the announcer says something like, "Genevieve!" and under his breath, so that only I can hear him he says, "the moron," but it's okay because people are happy to see me and I did my best.

That's all I can remember off the top of my head.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013


I have been struggling with trying to start a fitness regimen for myself and then sticking to it. The largest obstacle is that I'm wiped out by the end of the day, so I'd have to do it in the morning, but I'm not really a morning person... Guess I'll just have to suck it up and stop being a baby!
Near the end/ middle of last year I started to put a little more effort into keeping in touch with people, and it may have just been a negligible amount of talking but I was really proud of myself! So I think I'm going to try to continue with that.
This summer my art improved quite a bit after tons of practice and coaxing and a few life model session things, which were loads of fun! I don't have the same opportunities nowadays, but I've been looking up poses online and trying to practice with those so I might set up some sort of challenge schedule? Who knows.
Then there are my fiscal goals... I'd like to save up to buy a somewhat nice used car, which would be about five months of not buying ANYTHING AT ALL. We'll see. After that I'd like to adventure around a bit, visit some of my friends in the distant corners of the states.
There are a ton of other things, but they're actually kind of stressful deadline things and I don't want to think about them.
My birthday is coming up, huzzah! I feel young and old at the same time, it's very disconcerting!