To quote that one guy,

"I'm not dead yet!"

(Gotta love Monty Python.)


So, thanks for the comments. I can see them in my email now, but I can't reply on your guys' blogger page things. Blogs. Right.

As I was saying-

I'm feeling much better.

Two songs have been on repeat in my mind- "L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N." and "This Too Shall Pass".

SO HERE'S A MUSIC VIDEO,
in case you haven't seen it before.
And if you have, that's okay because you can watch it again.

(in which I become a flip-flopping mess)

I got fired.

Well, the equivalent of it. They said that they aren't giving me a contract for next year, which is the same thing. Technically, "they" didn't say anything. Dean Kristy had to break it to me.
No tears, no real breakdowns, none of that.
To be honest, I'm not that concerned about the fact that I just got fired. I mean, they had legitimate reasons. I've slept through two classes that I was supposed to have been subbing, I lose my phone and keys on a regular basis, et cetera. I've got my pros, but my cons were enough to get me fired. So be it.

No, I'm more worried about what happens next.
What colleges do I want to go to? Where can I find another job? I really want to apply for a college in Australia, and England. Is my desire to leave the country just me running away from my problems, in the same way that me switching states was? Where will I live? I need to buy a car, I want to buy a laptop, I need to pay off my student loans, I HAVE NO JOB. I HAVE NO PLANS.

Essentially, this is just a giant slap in the face & someone screaming, "HEY WAKE UP! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE DOING, AND IT'S TIME THAT YOU KNOW IT!"

A few days before this happened, I was writing about how much I would love to travel. Well, here's my opportunity. Study abroad! Run away from life! Have fun exploring! Go through the pain of separation once again! Carpe diem!

Do I have the right to wallow a little bit?
Okay, here's something that bugs me-
The people who fired me are leaving next year. Everyone else thinks I'm a great assistant dean. Hey, this is my first real job, and it's a super relaxed enviroment. Can I get some time to adjust? No? Oh hey, that's cool.
Dean Kristy and I had a meeting with the RAs in the dorm, and I had her tell them because I know that I have a tendency to be blunt. So she says, "Dean Genevieve has decided to go back to school next year, and won't be here." WHAT? I mean, I get it: don't make them panic, protect your bosses, whatever. But I guess the reason I'm so blunt is because I think that telling only half the truth is still telling half a lie. So in my mind, she wasn't telling the truth, and it kind of upsets me.
We're going to have a dorm meeting sometime this week, and I'm going to have to stick to what she said. Not because I want to, but because I know it's the right thing to do and I'm an adult.
I don't need to drag my personal feelings into my job, even though my job is basically everything to me seeing as how I spend 99% of my time here. Sure, no problem. I just decided to go back to college after telling everyone that I'd be coming back next year. Yeah, great.

Fffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuu
uuuudge brownies.



It's late. I'm probably going to feel a little different about everything in the morning. Whatever. I just want a job.

Haircut?

I really want a haircut.

In a perfect world, I would look fabulous with a pixie cut... but no such luck.
The funny and slightly sad thing is that ever since I can remember, even when I was in elementary school, I've always wanted to get a pixie cut. Like, super short. This might stem from when I once actually had a pixie cut, before it grew out. It was in kindergarten and 1st grade, and everyone mistook me for a boy. I loved it. Classmates would come from behind and ask, "Mitch?" and then I'd turn around frowning and they'd say, "Whoops! Sorry! Never mind, Genevieve!" and I acted frustrated but it was all a show. Maybe, with my child's logic, I was trying to challenge gender stereotypes. And maybe not. Maybe I just liked that short hair took two minutes to wash, as opposed to the ten or so I spend on it now; maybe I liked it when all I had to do was ruffle my hair and be done with it in the morning, without any fuss with brushes and tangles; and maybe all of these reasons stem from laziness.

The point is, none of that matters because I'm not getting a pixie. My hair length will never go above my chin, and at this point the outlook is that it will be somewhere at or slightly above my collarbone.

BUT.

One day I will definitely get a pixie, and when that day comes I will go into exile until it grows to a length that society deems appropriate. In the meantime, I'd love every second of those gloriously short showers.

better the devil you know...

This statement is false (sometimes?).

Someone told me once -(forget who, forget when, forget if I was actually told this or read it in a book or what)- that we hate most in others that which we find is our own weakness. For example- Personally, I used to (and probably still do) have a slight tendency to depend on other people. I can sometimes brush it off as a trust issue (as in I trust too much), but other times I just become annoying and burdensome to my friends. So when I met my (now friend) Kristy, I wasn't too keen on her. She was, in my perspective, always trotting along behind us, as if she were a stray puppy that needed someone to take care of her. She always wanted to hang out, to talk, to go do something. Thus, I recognized my own weakness in her, and disdained her for it.
I've gotten over that particular hurdle, seeing as how we're friends now, but still.

The reason I'm bringing this up is because I'm trying to figure out what's going wrong here in the dorm. Recently I've been having issues with some of the girls, and I've been wallowing in it for a while now trying to figure it out. Now I'm thinking, maybe the above situation is the case. The more it sits in my head, the more reasonable it starts looking. One of the girls tends to be lazy- check for myself. Another has a problem with authority/ being bossed around- check. There's a girl who I manage to get along with most of the time, except when she's being a hermit and sequestering herself with manga and music and forgetting about the outside world- check. Yet another tends to be forgetful, flighty, and wears herself out trying to help people without dealing with her own crap- check check check.

SO basically, I have to get over myself and just learn to deal with it.
Bite the bullet, grin and bear it, take one for the team, keep on keeping on, etc.
Also I have to work on my own personal problems, and better myself or whatever.
Aaaauuuuugh.


ALSO,
PS,
this site is pretty fantastic.
Especially if you're someone like me who has trouble winding down when it's time for bed.

(anyways).

Whenever I hear "Lady" by Regina Spektor, I see this chanteuse in a smoky room cradling a microphone.


That has absolutely nothing to do with anything, so anyways.
I'm feeling much better now, thank you. It may have been a combination of the early hour, lack of sleep, and everything else that trails along with that kind of thing.

The mission trip was amazing. The mural is almost done, we're going back again to finish it. I'll have pictures definitely, possibly a stop-motion video if I can get it figured out.

wow wow wow

This morning, I was woken up when one of the girls staying in the dorm knocked on my door. I only remember saying, "What time is it?" and her sentence faded at the end and I got angry but I got out of bed.
Turns out, she had trapped a rat under a bowl and needed directions.
First let me start by saying this-
Before I moved, I held very little animosity towards rodents. The mice that would inevitably show up were cute and mostly harmless. My mother has told stories of the sewer rats she'd seen while working in the city, but the weren't real to me.
That has changed.
I fudged around for a bit, debating on who I could ask to kill it. Whether or not someone would kill it was out of the question. When I had exhausted my supply of people, I grabbed the largest book I could find (Spirit of Prophecy, Volume One) picked up the bowl (there was a book underneath, to keep the rat trapped) and took it outside. I asked someone to lift the bowl, and as soon as they did I threw that book as hard as I could down onto the rat.
It tried to run away after the first throw, so I picked up the book and smashed it twice more. I watched the rat until it stopped twitching, picked up the book, and went inside.

Thank God that the day went uphill from there.

HAHAHAHAAA...
But really, my day was actually pretty awesome after that, considering that I'm really good at not thinking about things.
This was where I was going to describe my day, but anything after that little experience sounds... I don't know, but it doesn't make sense.

C'est la vie, in the truest form.

(movement)

Subbing classes turned out to be boring because they were just taking tests and working individually, so I had a lot of time on my hands.
Did this in paint, on the teacher's laptop. Hehe.
I imagine it's part of a dance sequence, like West Side Story or something.