Monday, May 2, 2011

(in which I become a flip-flopping mess)

I got fired.

Well, the equivalent of it. They said that they aren't giving me a contract for next year, which is the same thing. Technically, "they" didn't say anything. Dean Kristy had to break it to me.
No tears, no real breakdowns, none of that.
To be honest, I'm not that concerned about the fact that I just got fired. I mean, they had legitimate reasons. I've slept through two classes that I was supposed to have been subbing, I lose my phone and keys on a regular basis, et cetera. I've got my pros, but my cons were enough to get me fired. So be it.

No, I'm more worried about what happens next.
What colleges do I want to go to? Where can I find another job? I really want to apply for a college in Australia, and England. Is my desire to leave the country just me running away from my problems, in the same way that me switching states was? Where will I live? I need to buy a car, I want to buy a laptop, I need to pay off my student loans, I HAVE NO JOB. I HAVE NO PLANS.

Essentially, this is just a giant slap in the face & someone screaming, "HEY WAKE UP! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE DOING, AND IT'S TIME THAT YOU KNOW IT!"

A few days before this happened, I was writing about how much I would love to travel. Well, here's my opportunity. Study abroad! Run away from life! Have fun exploring! Go through the pain of separation once again! Carpe diem!

Do I have the right to wallow a little bit?
Okay, here's something that bugs me-
The people who fired me are leaving next year. Everyone else thinks I'm a great assistant dean. Hey, this is my first real job, and it's a super relaxed enviroment. Can I get some time to adjust? No? Oh hey, that's cool.
Dean Kristy and I had a meeting with the RAs in the dorm, and I had her tell them because I know that I have a tendency to be blunt. So she says, "Dean Genevieve has decided to go back to school next year, and won't be here." WHAT? I mean, I get it: don't make them panic, protect your bosses, whatever. But I guess the reason I'm so blunt is because I think that telling only half the truth is still telling half a lie. So in my mind, she wasn't telling the truth, and it kind of upsets me.
We're going to have a dorm meeting sometime this week, and I'm going to have to stick to what she said. Not because I want to, but because I know it's the right thing to do and I'm an adult.
I don't need to drag my personal feelings into my job, even though my job is basically everything to me seeing as how I spend 99% of my time here. Sure, no problem. I just decided to go back to college after telling everyone that I'd be coming back next year. Yeah, great.

uuuudge brownies.

It's late. I'm probably going to feel a little different about everything in the morning. Whatever. I just want a job.


alia said...

sad face. sorry to hear that. but like you said, this could be a wonderful opportunity in disguise. progress on a reply letter is a bit halted. (by the way, as always, thanks for the tea!) if you don't end up studying abroad or traveling, we should get an apartment and be starving artists or something while trying to figure out our lives hah. but yeah, you're amazing and i'm sure you'll figure something out and things will fall into place. and if it doesn't happen soon, don't worry, you're young and strong. i have faith in you :) (i feel like this didn't make much sense. shrug, you get the idea lol.)

Angel of Silence said...

wow, quite the perdicament huh?? I can imagine its not nesesarily a good moment for you, but I do like the idea of traveling, and honestly that would be my first choice, cept I have no clue where to go XD. And I saw you listed between Australia or England. Id say go for England, evrything is Australia is specificially designed to kill everything else XD just a though lol