Wednesday, May 2, 2012

I don't know if you've noticed, but I really like cool colors when it comes to these things.
Also I'm kinda proud of myself because I've been drawing more often and I can actually see improvement in some things? Like that previous post, I kinda just stared at that drawing for a while because I am still blown away by how proud I am of that hand. Like, the colors and the lines and just everything about it, I think I'll always be happy when I draw hands that look like how I actually imagined them looking. These hands up there don't really count because (shh don't tell) I kinda traced them from a photo that I took for reference but gosh darnit I learned a few things about hands in the process, right? I'll just keep telling myself that!
In other news,
I've been having problems sleeping again, and it's really annoying because I'm starting to notice these dark half circles under my eyes and they aren't that great! Also the nightmares, those are getting more strange and vague and I don't really know what's going on there but it's not good.
In more optimistic news!
I'm still really excited about summer!
My friend DJ will be in Ohio for a few days before he goes to Italy for a month & I leave for Missouri, so we're totally going to hang out then! And HEY DJ if you're reading this I had a dream the other night where I saw you drive up in the parking lot and I gave you the best sneak-attack-hug ever! And that's basically where the dream ended, because I woke up, but still!
Also my friend Kristy is hopefully visiting before I leave, and I haven't seen her for a really long time so that should be really fun also! Yay! So many cool people and adventures!

(Also I guess in the effort of fairness and balance and keeping anyone updated who's reading this, only my friends let's be serious, I haven't been feeling very well lately and I know part of that is the crazy hormone thing that doesn't normally happen to me but man let me tell you a story! this may get uncomfortable if you aren't a woman, but also education slightly so whatever! I didn't start getting cramps until last year, and they were so awful and unexpected that I didn't know what was happening until I was laying on the floor of my office with 5 ibuprofen in my bloodstream and a small crowd of students needing my assistance and leadership or whatever! they've been about normal to strong when I do get them now, which isn't too often thank God, but Sunday I swear I experienced the worst cramps I hope to ever experience in my lifetime. They started normally and I took some extra strength ibuprofen because I know the deal, but they didn't go away they just kept getting worse and I don't know about other ladies but I only get lower back cramps, but this time the cramps spread up and out and I had spine cramps and stomach cramps and it felt like my torso was rejecting me and trying to split or something, and I made my agony very clear so my mother (who has a small pharmacy in her purse) gave me some old muscle relaxants that she had and that stopped my migraine, oddly enough, but not anything else so she gave me a dose of painkillers that my dad was prescribed a long time ago? and that helped marginally but mostly I just felt detached from my body while the pain was still happening, I don't know if that's normal but then I went to bed and slept for three hours and woke up not being able to feel my gums, which was great because that meant that I also couldn't feel any cramps, then I ate something and went back to bed the end.
but besides that, I've also been torn about how to break it to my parents that I'm not coming back to live with them! they keep saying things like, "when genevieve comes back," or "well genevieve will be able to take care of that after this summer," and outwardly i just have to say, "oh sure, mhmm, yeah," but inwardly i'm just thinking, "how are you so oblivious? why do you think i'd come back to this? what's keeping me here?" and mostly it's that last question because it's been on repeat, "what's keeping you here, genevieve? hm?" and the answer is NOTHING, there is nothing that can keep me anywhere for any extended period of time because no matter what i will never have all of my friends in one place ever again and that is one of the only things that could make me put down roots. the other things are 1) a sudden job offer doing something amazing (that preferably pays well),  or 2) I actually don't know. the other day i was telling my ex-boyfriend that i wanted a house that i could paint, and he said, "when are you going to stay someplace long enough that you decide to buy a house?" to which i flippantly responded, "it's a work in progress!" but lately everything he says has just been a giant arrow straight to my heart because WOW way to make me feel like a flighty broad that no one can depend on! which is horrible because i want to be dependable SO BADLY but i guess that i'll never really be that dependable at all!

Okay I'm done feeling bad now!

I'm going to go cuddle with Hope (my cat) and lay in bed, waiting to fall asleep!

Goodnight buddies!

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